All the jokes in Outland are guaranteed 100% Y2K compliant. Most of them survived the year 1000 well enough, so we are not expecting any problems with the year 2000.

Some Numanoids are truly dedicated. They spend vast amounts of money in order to buy every Numan release they can find. Many of them always wear black clothes. I myself took it one stage further - I eat a bag of liquorice every day, so that my shit is always jet black. But my fellow Aussie Numan fan Craig Sue is way ahead of me. He is so dedicated that even the melanoma on his back is Numan-related..........

Satan tricks Adam and Eve into picking the forbidden fruit.

Numanoid Sexual Practices

Naughty Priests
Choir Boys and Heroes
I Dream of Friars
Sleep With Widows

A Child With The Goat
This Is My Horse
Me I Disconnect From Ewe

Autoerotic (Sharpened Numan)
Arsehole Protection
Bunch of Stiffys
My heavy Breathing
They Must Have Been Queers
Please Push Some More
Dominatrix Day
Gary Glitter and Ash
I Am Bender
Going Down In The Park

Natural Born Numanoid

My younger daughter Suzie, here aged 5 months, singing along to "Cars". I'm relieved that babies are gullible - she believed me when I told her she was driving a Stingray just like Gary's.

Hmmm. I must have been on the wrong site...... I tried to order the Box Set, and this is what they sent me.

From Kerrang (and AFE)....

Now we know why Gemma loves him so much.

Gratuitous Pisstake of the Month

In Praying To The Aliens, Gary mentioned that his second hair transplant was free, in return for him being used in advertising for the clinic. I had never seen any of these adverts, but a little digging dredged one up. As usual for any process claiming to transform your appearance, it takes the form of Before and After pictures.

Gorky Festival replacement act named

Organisers of the Gorky Festival were extremely disappointed that Gary wasn't able to play in Russia, but they have already signed up a big name act as a replacement. BOPPING BORIS, a Techno / Country&Western fusion artist has had a string of hits in his home country, including Down In Gorky Park and the old KGB favourite Are Friends Electrocuted?

Face on Mars mystery solved

This curious rock formation on Mars has been the cause of much discussion ever since it was first discovered. The Sojourner explorer has finally proved beyond doubt that it's a giant Numa logo created by Martian Numanoids. Furthermore the famous "Canals" on Mars are in fact Telekon stripes and "Mons Olympus" is a giant copy of a Pleasure Principle pyramid. Spooky.

Random 3 announced

Ever-eager to make as much money as possible from Gary without actually signing him to a contract, Beggar's Banquet have begun work on Random 3.

The following acts have so far expressed interest in recording Numan songs for this project :

Brad Pitt & Gwyneth Paltrow - Me! I Disconnect from You
Camilla Parker Bowles - She's Got Claws
Most of the population of Hong Kong - Slowcar to China
Fred & Rosemary West - Something's in the House
Cruella De Vil - The Skin Game
Pope John Paul George & Ringo - The God Film
Fox Mulder - Praying to the Aliens
Murray Walker - Adrenalin
Macabbia Games Organising Committee - Bridge? What Bridge?
Ayrton Senna - I Can't Stop
Ronald Reagan - I Still Remember
Saddam Hussein - War Songs
Captain of Exxon Valdez - This Ship Comes Apart
Michael Jackson's Nose and Chin - We Are So Fragile

Acts signed up by Porl Shaiman and Lindsay Astin
Michael Hutchence - I Nearly Married a Human
James Dean - This Wreckage or My Car Slides
O.J. Simpson - The Seed of A Lie
Dr. Kevorkian - Time To Die

Acts signed up by Riana Pfefferkorn
Crew of Space Station Mir - We Have a Technical
Evander Holyfield - Bleed
Deep Blue - When the Machines Rock
RuPaul - Stormtrooper in Drag
Michael Jackson - White Boys and Heroes
Andrew Cunanan - I, Assassin
Rodney Dangerfield - Respect
TWA - The Aircrash Bureau

M.C.Escher's "Telekon" discovered

This previously-undiscovered masterpiece by legendary Dutch wierdo M.C.Escher was found hidden in Paul Getty's record collection recently. It is believed to be the artwork that Escher submitted for the Telekon album cover, but which was rejected.

From time to time it has been alleged in the Digest that Gary Numan is not very nice. Most of these allegations have come from one person, who has called Gary a "fascist pig" and "an arrogant, greedy and ungrateful bastard". This person shall remain nameless (and probably friendless). However, the point has been raised, so today I'm going to answer the question :

Is Gary an ungrateful, arrogant, money-grabbing fascist pig bastard?

No he isn't.

What? You want a reasoned argument? From me, of all people? Oh well here goes (activate Brain Dump mode)....

1) I may be wrong here, but I believe in 1979 Gary played a show with proceeds going to Save The Whales. And most whales don't even buy Numan records.

2) Remember the famous farewell (ho ho) concerts in 1981? Gary put on such a big light show that some aliens on Mars complained about light pollution, and it didn't come cheap. The whole thing was done as a thank-you to the fans, so Gary decided to keep the ticket prices to a minimum. Over the 3 days he lost £100,000 (and that's in 1981 money) just to give the fans a good time.

3) In fact, he's lost a fuck of a lot of money on almost all of his tours.

4) Being an animal lover (no Gemma, that's not what I mean), Gary helped the RSPCA with their "Don't give pets as Christmas presents" campaign in 1986. This is an important annual campaign, as each year thousands of these presents are kicked out into the street before New Year. Gary recorded and released a special version of "I Still Remember", and the proceeds from both copies sold went to the RSPCA.

5) There are a load of totally crap, third-rate pop/rock acts who are nowhere near good enough to get a record contract. Gary very generously signed most of them to Numa and paid them lots of money.

6) Labelling anyone and anything to the right of yourself as "fascist" is common practice amongst English trendy lefties. It's incredibly stupid. Fascists are really evil and have been directly responsible for millions of deaths. Gary supported the Tories for a while because he was sick of tax exile. It dilutes the enormity of how bad fascism really is to use the term so indiscriminately.

7) In his first flush of success some of Gary's quoted remarks may indeed have sounded arrogant and ungrateful. Firstly I would question how accurately he was quoted, bearing in mind the fact that most of the people writing the stories were totally anti-Numan. Secondly, 21 year-olds often do sound like that. They can't help it. Would you like to be judged for the rest of your life by the garbage you spouted when you were that age. Shit, I'd be really embarassed myself. I may be an idiot now, but I was a much bigger idiot then.

8) In interviews, liner notes etc Gary makes it abundantly clear that he owes everything to his fans. So he's not ungrateful is he?

9) As a graduate with a degree in Ecology, specialising in evolutionary genetics, I have enough expertise in mammalian classification to determine that Gary is not a pig. The structure of the bones in his legs is all wrong.

I think that should be enough to be going on with. End brain dump.

New Aussie Flag debate

There is currently a debate in Australia about whether or not we should become a republic. There is also a debate about changing the flag, particularly about removing the Union Jack from the corner.

The current flag was chosen after a public competition. If they have another competition this time, I'm going to enter.

The current flag My new design