| Noddy was so excited as he picked up his package from Tokenblack Doll, proprietor of the Toyland Import records shop. He'd been waiting for these rare Numan items to arrive, as they would complete his collection! |
| As Noddy took his precious Numan records back home, he thought to himself "I hope they will be safe. So many of my fellow Toyland Numanoids have had their collections stolen recently". |
| With his collection now completely up to date, Noddy went to see him, um, friend Big Ears. (It wasn't really his Ears that were Big, but we have to watch out in case any kiddies read this). Noddy was shocked to see that Big Ears was injured. Someone had broken into his Toadstool House, kicked the shit out of him, and stolen all his Numan rarities. Including his copy of the Blue Album! |
| Noddy soon cheered up his old friend, by sitting him down at the kitchen table, making him a lovely cup of cocoa, and giving him a ferocious blowjob. Soon Big Ears was his old self again. |
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Soon, however, they were disturbed by Mr Plod the policeman. "Now then Noddy", said the fascist, "Tessie Bear says her Numan collection was stolen last night, and she heard your bell in the house while the thief was making his escape. And you were seen taking a load of Numan goodies into your house. If you are the culprit I shall insert this pencil in your urethra." "Oh no", said Noddy, "it still hurts from last time". |
| Noddy told Mr Plod that he had bought the items from Tokenblack Doll. However, she denied all knowledge of the transaction. Mr Plod wanted to lock Noddy up and do all sorts of nasty things to him, but Noddy was able to convince him that he would find the real thief. |
| Recruiting Gemma Bear into his vigilante mob, Noddy set about his task. He decided that his house would be the next target, as he had the only Numan collection left in Toyland. Sure enough, when they arrived at his house, Noddy could see that someone was inside. "Come out with your hands up and your legs open!" called Noddy, imitating Mr Plod's arrest technique. |
| The thief jumped out of the window, startling Noddy and making his escape. But not before Noddy got a good look at his face. "Holy crap! It's Mosher, the leader of the Numanazis! I haven't seen him since he crushed several toys to death when Gary Numan played live in the Toyland Town Hall". |
| They sent Big Ears off to find the fuzz. "Come on Mr Plod, we need you to arrest the Numanazis. You'll have to finish shagging your dog later!" |
| Big Ears and Mr Plod chased the Numanazis through the woods. |
| Right into the waiting arms of Noddy. Our hero beat them severely with a piece of lead piping, and handed them over to the policeman, who proceeded to do likewise. |
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Mr Plod led the Numanazis off to his jail cell. "Don't worry Noddy," he said, "they'll be sorry they ever caused you any trouble. They're going to spend a lot of time picking up the soap in the showers, so they'll have very sore bottoms. By the way, they admitted that they stole all the Numan records, and sold them to Tokenblack Doll, who fenced them at her shop. I knew we shouldn't have allowed her into the country." So Noddy and Big Ears led a lynch mob off to Tokenblack Doll's house, and once they had killed her very horribly they all lived happily ever after. |