Greetings, fellow lovers of fine Numan fare, and welcome to my first Internet Cookbook. You know, I've been a Gary Numan fan ever since I was an ankle-biter (literally). In fact it pisses me off no end that I do not feature on the Celebrity Numanoids page. Anyway, it may have occured to you that most of Gary's former band members have disappeared without trace. There is, of course, a perfectly rational reason for that - I ate them all. And here, for the first time, is a collection of some of the recipes I used.


Billy Curry
I know it's an obvious pun, but I really couldn't resist it. Because Mr Currie was a feisty person in life, I decided that he really ought to be used to make a very hot, spicy curry. One that will really give you a run for your money, so to speak.

First, you need to carve the meat from the carcass. For some reason, it always tastes much better if this is done before death, so I made sure Billy was securely strapped down to a table. Ignoring his screams, I then carefully cut precisely 2 kilograms of small meat cubes from his thighs and buttocks. Then I extracted his liver just for the hell of it.

I then cooked them in a spicy curry sauce and ate them with some fava beans and a nice chianti.


Smoked Kipper
This tastes best if you use fresh Kipper, which you have just caught yourself. In my case, I waited in the bushes until Kipper came out of the recording studio one night, then I whacked him on the head with a cosh and took him home. Obviously, you need a decent sized smokehouse to smoke your own Kipper - fortunately my basement serves the purpose admirably. Once Kipper had regained consciousness, I strung him up by his ankles, so that he was hanging from the ceiling. This is not absolutely necessary, I just enjoyed watching his eyes bulge out as all the blood ran down into his head. Underneath him, I made a big pile of all his guitars and other musical gear. I then set this alight, and sat down to watch whilst he was slowly cooked. Unfortunately, no matter how much chianti I drank, I found him to be totally tasteless, so I fed most of him to the cat.


Rrussell's Sprout

OK guys, I'm getting peckish again. Who's next?

Let's face it, Micromusic is a long video, and one is liable to get a bit peckish whilst watching it. A few years ago, whilst Down In The Park was on, I had a sudden craving for a hotdog, but when I went to make one I found there were no frankfurters in the house. Being a resourceful fellow, I looked around for the best available substitute, and quickly realised that a nice chewy penis would fit the bill. I had Rrussell Bell and Denis Haines in my pantry at the time, but Denis wasn't able to provide anything more substantial than a small soggy chipolata, so I decided to go for a Russwurst. He didn't like the idea very much, but I am quite immune to pleading, begging and screaming, and I quickly whipped it off with my Bobbitt-knife, cooked it, and was eating it in a nice fresh bread bun before the end of the video.


Duck a l'Orange
This is a true gourmet dish, yet so simple to prepare! The secret is all in the sauce. Simply cut Ade Orange into little pieces, starting with the extremeties so that it takes hours to be fatal. Then scoop up a few handfuls and pop them into the blender. Process them for a couple of minutes until you have a smooth sauce. You then pour this into a baking tray and cook a duck in it.