Gary Numan is renowned as one of the true icons of contemporary dance. For 25 years audiences have been thrilled by his dazzling dance routines, both on stage at his concerts and on his promotional videos. It's an open secret that Michael Flatley learned everything from watching Micromusic. Finally, due to overwhelming popular demand, Gary has consented to interrupt his busy mouse mat design schedule to pass on some tips to aspiring dancers.

The "Touring Principle".
According to Gary, to really express yourself through the medium of dance you first have to focus on the subject that is the theme of the dance, and then you have to become that subject. If your theme is a tree, you must truly feel the wind blowing in your branches if you are ever to encapsulate the essence of your subject, so as to convey it to your audience. For the Touring Principle, Gary's subject was a large block of wood, and so skilled was he at interpreting it, many critics actually accused him of being wooden himself- philistine bastards!.



The "Teletour".
Gary was disappointed with the sneering reviews of his Touring Principle performances - he felt the critics were being particularly obtuse in missing the subtelty of his unique dancing. For his Teletour show he decided to create a brand new dance, for which the theme subject was an entirely different block of wood. He felt certain that even the cretins who work on the New Musical Express would be able to see the rapier-like wit as he repeated all the moves they'd hated the year before. Gary provided yet another stunning exhibition of modern dance in all its glory - especially the part where he pretended to get his feet tangled up and fall over in a heap.



The "NuMetal Headbang".
After 20 years of touring, Gary had finally run out of blocks of wood to interpret on stage. For his birthday, an idiotic fan had sent him one of those annoying toy birds that you attach to a glass so it can continually dip its beak into the water. This, combined to the early onset of Parkinson's disease, led him to develop a new dance concept in which he flops about the stage whilst banging his head continually. To the unwashed masses this might make him appear like a bladder on a stick, but the discerning student of modern dance will no doubt see it for the work of genius it truly is.